There are a wide range of emotions that one goes through when dealing with a break up. The hows and whys come into play. Despair, Anger, Hopelessness, are all feelings that take over sometimes before you can find peace. During the past week I have gone through so many emotions that today...I just feel like I have to share. No matter what we go through, there is someone out there who needs to know they are not alone. I know that I will NEVER go backwards because all i have to do is remember the words he said to me and the way he looked at me the last time we were together. My mind knows that I deserve much better, I'm just waiting on my heart to get with the program. I wear my heart on my pen and when I feel my emotions taking over, I write them down, get them out, and pray that my experiences will help someone else...surely I don't go through this without some ultimate purpose in the end. Below you will find the poetry i have written over the past week as i deal with my emotions...
The Broken Circle: Reflection, Recollection, Recognition
5/31/10
Broken #1
Lock my mind
Make the past fade to black…
Fate snacks on my heart and eats my soul for dinner
Drinks of my love and bathes in a river of my tears
My fears are but an appetizer for the one who terrorizes feeds upon my anguish
As I languish in a bed of salt...
Burning my wounds…
Cauterizing them with self-doubt…
What is it about me that caused this?
I wish I could rewind my life and pause this
Scene that keeps replaying in my head…
I’ve looked at it from every angle
There’s no clarity
Instead…
I see one who controls and one who refuses to be controlled
No longer able to deny the truth
My heart cannot be consoled
Broken #2
My body is a temple
I allowed him to worship
The courtship was fast
The emotions ran deep
His standards were too steep
And yet I climbed until my fingers were bloodied
Put band-aids on my boo boos and ignored the pain
Because the incidents were few and far between
Verbally cut, my ears ooze from the infection
The inflection in his voice let me know that I was nothing unless I pleased him…
The affection he caressed me with let me know it was alright to tease him…
But the moment I voiced an opinion or thought that didn’t appease him
Led to the verbal bullets that eventually caused me to release him…
Broken #3
Peace, be still
The truth is a bitter pill
Best swallowed with wine
Today I dine alone with my sorrow
Knowing tomorrow brings a new day with new possibilities.
An epiphany as I write off the top of my head
Instead of curling up in my bed
And placing myself in a fetal position…
The God in me won’t make the admission that my life is over
For each death, be it physically, mentally, or spiritually
Only makes room for the Birth of a new me…
The tomb of my heart will one day open
And my love will be resurrected…
Directed towards one who can handle what I have to give
Without verbal crucifixion
That affliction has nothing to do with me…
Still Can’t Sleep
6/1/10
Sleep escapes me
My mind debates the
Reasons…
All things have a season
And my spring became winter too soon after the fall.
UNTAMED6/3/10
Untamed
I can’t be blamed
For the words that are coming outta my mouth…
Love life went South
Broken hearted
Dearly departed
Never finished what we started
For a reason…
He marinated my love in his juices
Seasoned my mind with his special blend
Until the bitter taste caused an end
To the tumultuous dish called “we”
Tip-toed around it
My high was grounded
Buzz killed
Instead filled
My papers
With that spiritual “ooh wee”
Took a toke and said
“I’m just gon do me”
Cuz my tongue can’t be tamed
And I can’t be blamed
For the words that are comin’ outta my mouth…
Love Is…
6/4/10
Love is a vacuum that sucks your soul
Takes something whole
And shatters it with a sledge hammer.
Love breaks your heart.
Love fills your mind
With the illusion of forever
And yet the final conclusion is that
Love makes you believe in love
And then convinces you that love doesn’t exist.
Love tears you apart.
I need a midol
Cuz love is cramping my style
Walked into it with the giddiness of a child
But ran out of it like a war ravaged vet
With
Post traumatic stress
My mind is under duress
I’m tired…
Love is exhausting
Haunting you in your dreams
And taunting you in your awakened state.
Love takes everything and gives nothing in return
I’ve grown so weary of the burn…
Love cremates your trust
places it in an urn
and asks you to snort the dust.
love is cocaine…
and I’m checking into rehab…
Love is unapologetic
It’s a genetic defect
That infects us when our immunity is low
And our tolerance for pain is high
I
Don’t
Want
No
More.
Love is something I’ve grown to hate.
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