Dear Santa
By Ebony Farashuu
12-25-10
I found two lumps of coal in my stocking
I used them to fuel my passion
The fashion in which I choose to live
Would rather ask you to forgive
Than for permission
Submission is no longer my strong point.
See, I am now conditioned to
Recognize the bullshit and
Use it
To
Fertilize my garden.
Three years later I’m still breathing
So I guess it didn’t kill me…
I have every right to be a hater
But Peace be still with me…
On a journey into myself
I discovered the true beauty of a butterfly
And I will continue to flutter and float high above those
Who sought to trap me within gossamer nets of self-doubt.
U should have never messed over a writer…
What used to hurt her now delights her…
Brings characters to life as your ignorance lives on in her pages…
There are many stages of healing
And I’m no longer concealing
The part of me that tears at my chest
Seeking to escape that mess of emotions
Hidden behind my breasts
Like an alien resurrected…
Just call me Ripley
Cuz my experiences have impregnated my soul
With a cold dose of reality
And in return I’ve given birth to a monster.
And
Her
Name
Is
Ebony
Muthafuckin’
Farashuu
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Monday, December 13, 2010
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
WOW. I am completely and utterly overwhelmed at the HUNDREDS of Birthday Wishes I have received over the past two days. I hate to sound cliché but words can’t express how thankful and truly blessed I feel right now.
My Birthday dinner with my closest friends was awesome and my actual birthday was filled with the calm I’ve been craving for a very long time. It was, after 38 years, finally MY time to actually just be…ME. Who I really am and not what everyone else expects or desires me to be.
There was a time when I truly thought I would never see 38. There was a time when I actually thought about taking myself from a world that, for me, was filled with what I thought was just way too much to handle. I’m so thankful for the presence of God, Family, and True Friends. I can’t stop crying because I truly believe that year 38 is going to shape and define me into the woman that I’m meant to be and I can’t wait to see what life has in store!
I’ve been through a lot. I’ve lost a lot. I’ve hurt a lot. But each experience that may have felt like at set-back at that time…only served to teach me a lesson, make me stronger, and show me how to pick myself up, dust myself off, and just keep being the best person I can be.
In being my best, I have gained friends that really and truly love me and I love them back with the same passion. I have removed those people from my life that poisoned my spirit and replaced them with people who really know what it means to give and receive love. A wise person once said that “If you can’t change the people around you…CHANGE the people around you!”
I hereby designate year 38 as my season of change and I can’t wait to finally start living MY life.
My Birthday dinner with my closest friends was awesome and my actual birthday was filled with the calm I’ve been craving for a very long time. It was, after 38 years, finally MY time to actually just be…ME. Who I really am and not what everyone else expects or desires me to be.
There was a time when I truly thought I would never see 38. There was a time when I actually thought about taking myself from a world that, for me, was filled with what I thought was just way too much to handle. I’m so thankful for the presence of God, Family, and True Friends. I can’t stop crying because I truly believe that year 38 is going to shape and define me into the woman that I’m meant to be and I can’t wait to see what life has in store!
I’ve been through a lot. I’ve lost a lot. I’ve hurt a lot. But each experience that may have felt like at set-back at that time…only served to teach me a lesson, make me stronger, and show me how to pick myself up, dust myself off, and just keep being the best person I can be.
In being my best, I have gained friends that really and truly love me and I love them back with the same passion. I have removed those people from my life that poisoned my spirit and replaced them with people who really know what it means to give and receive love. A wise person once said that “If you can’t change the people around you…CHANGE the people around you!”
I hereby designate year 38 as my season of change and I can’t wait to finally start living MY life.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Love and Tears
I cried this morning. It wasn’t a “boo hoo” type of cry or a snot inducing choke on your words type of cry. It was the type of cry that causes you to just stop and quietly reflect on your life as silent tears gather in your eyes but somehow, refuse to fall.
On Friday, September 10, 1993, I lost one of the best friends and brothers a person could ever pray for. Leonard Dale Hancock, Jr. died from a gunshot wound, a victim of the senseless violence that plagues our community today. The summer of 1993 was an especially painful summer as murder after murder took over the front pages and airways in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Most of those murders, including the murder of my brother, remain unsolved.
It’s an eerie feeling to wake up and realize you haven’t heard a loved ones voice in seventeen years. I can still vividly recall the last time I saw him. How I’d visited him at his grandmother’s house and sprawled across his bed as we talked and laughed about the things that were going on in our lives. Five days after that visit…he was gone.
My brother and I had, only a few months earlier, reconciled after a falling out over, of all things, a gold chain. That dispute lasted several months until one day, I walked outside and he was standing on the front lawn. Without prompting word we just walked into each other’s arms and said “I love you”. From that day forward we were tight again as if our pitiful little falling out had never happened.
I often thank God that we were able to open our hearts and allow our love for one another to overcome what would have been a horrible reason to lose one another. He left this Earth knowing that I loved him and I’ll leave this Earth knowing that he truly loved me.
I encourage anyone reading this to allow their hearts to lead them as they deal with friends and loved ones. If you love someone…TELL THEM. It doesn’t matter who says it first. It doesn’t matter if they say it back. What matters is that YOU were true to your heart when you dealt with that person. Don’t allow the sun to set on your life without telling someone how you felt about them.
I can tell you that there is nothing worse than NOT knowing where you stand with a loved one. Each interaction you have with a person could very well be your last. What will be the last thing you ever said to your child, your husband, your wife, you siblings, your significant other, your friend?
I often feel guilty when I chastise my kids and then let them leave the house without telling them what they mean to me. It scares me to think that “a good what for” could possibly be my final interaction with my children so I try to be extremely mindful of what I say before they leave my sight.
The word LOVE is so easy to say and yet withheld from too many vocabularies. It’s also a word that is overused in other vocabularies when the actions of the speaker scream otherwise. Love should never be taken for granted.
If you truly love someone...Say it, and show it before the opportunity passes you by.
On Friday, September 10, 1993, I lost one of the best friends and brothers a person could ever pray for. Leonard Dale Hancock, Jr. died from a gunshot wound, a victim of the senseless violence that plagues our community today. The summer of 1993 was an especially painful summer as murder after murder took over the front pages and airways in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Most of those murders, including the murder of my brother, remain unsolved.
It’s an eerie feeling to wake up and realize you haven’t heard a loved ones voice in seventeen years. I can still vividly recall the last time I saw him. How I’d visited him at his grandmother’s house and sprawled across his bed as we talked and laughed about the things that were going on in our lives. Five days after that visit…he was gone.
My brother and I had, only a few months earlier, reconciled after a falling out over, of all things, a gold chain. That dispute lasted several months until one day, I walked outside and he was standing on the front lawn. Without prompting word we just walked into each other’s arms and said “I love you”. From that day forward we were tight again as if our pitiful little falling out had never happened.
I often thank God that we were able to open our hearts and allow our love for one another to overcome what would have been a horrible reason to lose one another. He left this Earth knowing that I loved him and I’ll leave this Earth knowing that he truly loved me.
I encourage anyone reading this to allow their hearts to lead them as they deal with friends and loved ones. If you love someone…TELL THEM. It doesn’t matter who says it first. It doesn’t matter if they say it back. What matters is that YOU were true to your heart when you dealt with that person. Don’t allow the sun to set on your life without telling someone how you felt about them.
I can tell you that there is nothing worse than NOT knowing where you stand with a loved one. Each interaction you have with a person could very well be your last. What will be the last thing you ever said to your child, your husband, your wife, you siblings, your significant other, your friend?
I often feel guilty when I chastise my kids and then let them leave the house without telling them what they mean to me. It scares me to think that “a good what for” could possibly be my final interaction with my children so I try to be extremely mindful of what I say before they leave my sight.
The word LOVE is so easy to say and yet withheld from too many vocabularies. It’s also a word that is overused in other vocabularies when the actions of the speaker scream otherwise. Love should never be taken for granted.
If you truly love someone...Say it, and show it before the opportunity passes you by.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
BEAUTIFUL QUOTE
Every now and then you run across a quote that describes your feelings in one word, one line, one sentence, or paragraph! This is such a quote! On Facebook, there is an application called "Message From God" Every day my message is ON POINT! Today was no exception!
"God wants you to know that the way you know you have found the right one is the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with the person. Having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them...keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away. - a quote by Dinah CraikSee More"
"God wants you to know that the way you know you have found the right one is the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with the person. Having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them...keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away. - a quote by Dinah CraikSee More"
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Melancholy and Tired of The Violence
Today my mood is somber as I reflect on the many murders and attempted homicides the North Tulsa community has seen over the past few months.
Wrong place wrong time
Somebody dropped a dime
And retaliation
Caused aggravation to mentalities that weren’t right to begin with.
Someone made a conscious decision to pull a trigger
Maybe they figure the gun will never point in their direction?
The circle of violence must end!
Untitled
By Ebony Farashuu
08/05/10
They want us to kill ourselves
Fill those cells
Run and tell that
Ratta tat tat
Curiosity killed the cat
While a list of so-called rats
Spreads like poison through the community.
Do you see what I see?
Another Hearse
Another bible verse
Spoken over one man
Killed by another man
While the other man
Smiles and says
“Well done, son.”
Run, Nigga, run
The threads of our fabric are becoming undone
Unraveled
as somebody’s somebody lays face down on the gravel
While a Judge’s gavel echoes through the hood…
Wrong place wrong time
Somebody dropped a dime
And retaliation
Caused aggravation to mentalities that weren’t right to begin with.
Someone made a conscious decision to pull a trigger
Maybe they figure the gun will never point in their direction?
The circle of violence must end!
Untitled
By Ebony Farashuu
08/05/10
They want us to kill ourselves
Fill those cells
Run and tell that
Ratta tat tat
Curiosity killed the cat
While a list of so-called rats
Spreads like poison through the community.
Do you see what I see?
Another Hearse
Another bible verse
Spoken over one man
Killed by another man
While the other man
Smiles and says
“Well done, son.”
Run, Nigga, run
The threads of our fabric are becoming undone
Unraveled
as somebody’s somebody lays face down on the gravel
While a Judge’s gavel echoes through the hood…
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
EMOTIONAL WASTELAND? This too shall pass...
Every now and then thoughts spill onto paper so fast that poetry has no rhyme, reason, or specific pattern. Poetry, like emotions can be running all over the place and yet be standing still at the same time. Whenever I have thoughts that can't be verbalized, I write them down, exactly as I feel them at that particular time. Sometimes it appears to makes sense to only me...but that is the beautiful thing about poetry...when you write from the heart...anyone in the same frame of mind will understand.
Sometimes you have to step back, evaluate every relationship you've ever been in, and then put into yourself everything that you put into another person. There is nothing wrong with expecting someone to love you the RIGHT way. If you truly LOVE yourself...and if someone can't love you with the same fervor in which you love yourself...The same fervor with which you love THEM? Why bother? Let them go and hold out for a love that deserves YOU.
Wasteland
By Ebony Farashuu
07/07/10
My body feels empty
Tears echo as they fall
Drip
Drip
Drip
Tiny droplets causing ripples that will forever change the ocean of my life.
The strife that dwells within me is constantly struggling with the logic of my mind
My heart is blind to the truth
Uncouth in its wicked deception
There is no contraception
That protects from unwanted despondency
My soul has been impregnated.
Damn I hate it when
My tough girl has fallen and I can’t pick her up.
My stagnant thoughts long to make my shell tougher
Exercise my ventricular muscles so my heart will be buffer
Pull myself out of this emotional mud when I’m stuck…
Fool myself into believing I just don’t give a fuck.
Men claim they want me
But I can’t trust a try
Cuz there’s still no one here to hold me when I cry…
And I
Just
Want the world to stop.
Pause for a moment
Let me catch the breath that keeps escaping
I’m scratching and scraping at my throat
Struggling for air
I’m choking on love that was never even there...
He said, he said, he said
They said
They lied
Sentiments were implied
I tried to separate fact from fiction
But mind fucking friction
Caused their words to converge upon my mind
Forming a topiary garden of pretty little lies
I could have handled the truth.
Sometimes you have to step back, evaluate every relationship you've ever been in, and then put into yourself everything that you put into another person. There is nothing wrong with expecting someone to love you the RIGHT way. If you truly LOVE yourself...and if someone can't love you with the same fervor in which you love yourself...The same fervor with which you love THEM? Why bother? Let them go and hold out for a love that deserves YOU.
Wasteland
By Ebony Farashuu
07/07/10
My body feels empty
Tears echo as they fall
Drip
Drip
Drip
Tiny droplets causing ripples that will forever change the ocean of my life.
The strife that dwells within me is constantly struggling with the logic of my mind
My heart is blind to the truth
Uncouth in its wicked deception
There is no contraception
That protects from unwanted despondency
My soul has been impregnated.
Damn I hate it when
My tough girl has fallen and I can’t pick her up.
My stagnant thoughts long to make my shell tougher
Exercise my ventricular muscles so my heart will be buffer
Pull myself out of this emotional mud when I’m stuck…
Fool myself into believing I just don’t give a fuck.
Men claim they want me
But I can’t trust a try
Cuz there’s still no one here to hold me when I cry…
And I
Just
Want the world to stop.
Pause for a moment
Let me catch the breath that keeps escaping
I’m scratching and scraping at my throat
Struggling for air
I’m choking on love that was never even there...
He said, he said, he said
They said
They lied
Sentiments were implied
I tried to separate fact from fiction
But mind fucking friction
Caused their words to converge upon my mind
Forming a topiary garden of pretty little lies
I could have handled the truth.
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